you killed me and I'm still trying to reincarnate

Maybe we are never meant to let go and forget someone completely. They became memories. Memories that warm you up from inside and also the same thing to tear you apart inside. We can’t do anything to it, we just have to continue to play out our lives. Leaving behind a feeling of immeasurable emptiness.

"You know, I’ve got this theory: There are two kinds of people in the world. There are lyric people and music people. You know, the lyrics people tend to be analytical. You know, all about the meaning of the song. They’re the ones you see with the CD insert out like five minutes after buying it, pouring over the lyrics, interpreting the hell out of everything. Then there’s the music people who could care less for the lyrics as long as it’s just got, like, a good beat and you could dance to it. I don’t know, sometimes it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl. But since I’m not, let me just say this: Sometimes things find you when you need them to find you. I believe that. And for me, it’s usually song lyrics."

unspoken

So just let me go
I won’t change my mind.
I'd rather be lonely
Than be by your side.
And nothing you say
Could save us this time.
I’d rather be lonely.

...würde das bloss jemand zu mir sagen und es auch wirklich so meinen...

This is goodbye to a time where you were what I always wanted

we'd make a great couple

...

sometimes we wonder, how much weight we have to lose to be skinny or to look skinny...
to be the skinny girl, that everybody looks up to.
every day I wonder, how it would be to be as skinny as some of the girls in magazines or on tv.
but then I think about the price I'd pay...
the price I paid once, when you told me, that i'm not skinny enough
not skinny enough to be a model
so, not skinny enough to stay with you
not skinny enough, that you could love me.
just a little...

"I feel like I am one of those people who are so miserable that they can’t be around normal people. like I’ll infect the happy people."

birthdaygirl

today's my 21th birthday!

checklist für heute:

- lecker frühstücken mit meiner schwester(die ich jetzt endlich wecken muss)
- dazu HURTS-album auf endlosschleife hören
- den süssen geschenketisch zerstören und auspacken bis der arzt kommt
- faul sein und dumme filme gucken
- so viele kekse und selbstgebackenen-mama-yummi-schokowürfelkuchen essen wie nur möglich(no diets today)
-... mehr kuchen...mehr kekse!
- zwillingsbruder anrufen(erster geburtstag ohne ihn...ferien in kroatien)
- auf meine liebste freundin warten, die mich am abend besuchen kommt<3
- abendessen mit meiner familie beim italiener(wollte ja sushi aber da macht papa und schwester nicht mit...)
- alle nervigen, stressigen dinge, die ich erledigen sollte vergessen
- schlaflosigkeit und melancholie vergessen
-spass haben, lachen bis der bauch schmerzt!
-...mehr kuchen

...the reasons why i'm single:

• i’m not attractive enough
• i'm not skinny enough
  
• i’m not a slut
• i sometimes act like an idiot
• i always complain about myself
  
• i haven’t had a REAL relationship
  
• i’m awkward
• i'm loud
  
• i’m always good friends with the guys i like and can't take the next step
• i'm into bad boys
  
• i’m too insecure
• i don’t let anyone in because i don’t trust easily(anymore)
• i got hurt one time too many

+ the guys i go for, are always in a relationship

I wish I'd know, that it would be this hard to be alone...

Loveless nights, they seem so long
I know, that I'll hold you someday. But till you come back where you belong, it's just another LONELY SUNDAY.

...when music heals you...

My ideal night would probably consists of a good book/movie, a cup of freshly brewed tea and my favourite song on repeat. I am a boring person.

I dreamt about....

...being with the one I love.

Oh you, just leave
I always wanted you to be free
But next time you see the planets try and think of me
And this moment on a stairway where I thought that I could see
All the atoms in your lover, she’s much prettier than me
And can I help it if an atom makes me cry?
I can’t help it if she’s happier than I

I am small... I'm needy .warm me up and breathe me!

"Some friends don’t understand this. They don’t understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you’re wonderful just the way you are. They don’t understand that I can’t remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would."